Master your emotions

Imagine this. 

You wake up after 9 hours of perfect sleep, it’s Friday, you have exciting plans for the weekend. You enjoy a leisurely breakfast before heading to school. As you’re heading out, your dad hollers because there's an envelope from Brinceton, your top-choice college, in the mail. With anticipation, you open it, only to see the words: "We regret to inform you..."

Even if you have full control over your emotions, there are circumstances that lie beyond your control. These painful events, which we refer to as “crises” in this article, are an inevitable part of life. Everyone will experience intense emotional responses like sadness, anger, or fear at some point.

This is where distress tolerance skills become essential.

What is distress tolerance? Distress tolerance is your ability to handle actual or perceived emotional distress. Regardless of the magnitude of the crisis, your tolerance determines how you manage the situation. Developing distress tolerance skills strengthens your capacity to cope with crises effectively whenever they arise.

Here's what distress tolerance can do for you:

  • Reduce emotional reactivity: Learn to respond to challenging situations calmly and rationally, rather than reacting impulsively in the heat of the moment.
  • Enhance emotional regulation: Develop skills to manage intense emotions like anxiety, anger, and sadness, preventing them from controlling your behavior.
  • Increase resilience: Bounce back from setbacks and challenges with greater ease, fostering a sense of self-confidence and emotional well-being.

This article provides an in-depth look at the various categories of DBT Distress Tolerance Skills and how they can be applied in everyday life

Building Your Distress Tolerance Toolbox:

Your distress tolerance toolbox will be filled with a variety of strategies to help you navigate different situations. They are 2 different types of distress tolerance skills. 

1) Crisis Survival Strategies: These are like tools to help you get through intense emotions during a tough situation, like a major fight with your best friend. They won't solve the problem right away, but they can help you stay calm and cope until you're ready to deal with it.

2) Reality Acceptance Skills. Life isn't always fair, and these skills help you accept things as they are, not how you wish them to be. Struggling against reality just makes things harder. By accepting the truth, you can move on and feel less stressed. 

3) Tolerance Building Skills. AKA Resilience building skills. 

1) Crisis Survival Strategies: Here are some of the most popular crisis survival strategies in DBT. They include the following techniques. 

  • STOP: STOP empowers you to interrupt the cycle of negative emotions and impulsive reactions. 
  • Pros and Cons 
  • TIPP
  • Distract with ACCEPTS 
  • Self-Soothe 
  • IMPROVE the moment 

Let’s examine each skill one-by-one. 

  1. STOP: STOP empowers you to interrupt the cycle of negative emotions and impulsive reactions. STOP stands for: 

S - Stop: Recognize the first signs of emotional escalation. This might be feeling your heart race, clenching your fists, or wanting to lash out.

T - Take a Breath: Deep breaths activate your body's relaxation response, helping you regain composure.

O - Observe: Step back and objectively observe your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without judgment.

P - Proceed Mindfully: Choose a calm and constructive response based on your observation, not your initial emotional reaction.

 B)  Pros and Cons: Ever feel like you're caught in a tug-of-war between your emotions and logic? DBT's "Pros and Cons" skill helps you weigh the advantages and disadvantages of different actions before you take the plunge. This empowers you to make well-informed decisions that align with your goals and values, not just fleeting emotions.

C) TIPP is anchored on changing your body chemistry. Here’s what it represents. 

  • Temperature: Ever feel like you're burning up when you're stressed? It's not your imagination! Splashing cold water on your face, holding an ice cube, or even just feeling cool air can help you regulate your body temperature and calm your emotions.
  • Intense Exercise: Exercise is an excellent way to burn off nervous energy and improve your mood. You don't have to be a gym rat – do some jumping jacks, sprint around the block, or take a quick swim. Getting your heart rate up will help you feel more centered.
  • Paced Breathing. Taking control of your breath can be a powerful tool in a crisis. Try "box breathing": inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. Repeat until you feel calmer. Slower, steadier breathing signals your body to relax and reduces that fight-or-flight feeling.
  • Paired Muscle Relaxation. This might sound weird, but it works! Tensing a muscle group for a few seconds and then completely relaxing it can actually make it even more relaxed than before. Try it with your arms – clench your fists for 5 seconds, then let go completely. Feel the tension melt away? This technique helps 

D) Distract with ACCEPTS. Sometimes the best way to deal with big emotions is to give your brain a break."Distract with ACCEPTS" offers a variety of strategies to help you shift your focus and regain control. Here's what ACCEPTS stands for:

  • A - Activities: Engage in activities you enjoy, like listening to music, reading a book, spending time with friends (virtually or in person!), or pursuing a creative hobby.
  • C - Contributing: Helping others can be a great way to take your mind off your worries. Volunteer your time, offer support to a friend, or simply do something nice for someone.
  • C - Comparisons: Sometimes putting things in perspective helps. Is this situation truly as bad as it feels?
  • E - Emotions: Acknowledge your emotions, but don't dwell on them. Try journaling, expressing yourself creatively, or talking to a trusted friend.
  • P - Pushing Away: For short periods, it's okay to mentally "put aside" a situation if it's overwhelming. Focus on the present moment with deep breathing or mindfulness exercises.
  • T - Thoughts: Challenge negative thought patterns. Are your thoughts realistic? Could you be reframing the situation in a more positive light?
  • S - Sensations: Focus on your physical sensations. Take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground, or splash some cool water on your face.

E) Soothe with your five senses: Use your five senses to help alleviate intensive emotions. Sniff essential oils (smell), light a calming candle (sight), wrap yourself in a cozy blanket (touch), play a feel-good Taylor Swift playlist (hearing), sip some herbal tea (taste). 

F) “Improve the Moment” is a collection of techniques to help you manage stressful situations on the spot. 

  1. Imagery: Visualize a peaceful scene.
  2. Meaning: Find meaning in the distressing situation.
  3. Prayer: Engage in spiritual practices.
  4. Relaxation: Practice relaxation techniques.
  5. One Thing in the Moment: Focus on the present moment.
  6. Vacation: Take a brief mental or physical break.
  7. Encouragement: Use positive self-talk.

2) Reality Acceptance Skills: Reality acceptance skills include the following: 

  • Radical acceptance
  • Turning the mind 
  • Willingness 
  • Half-Smiling 
  • Willing Hands 
  • Mindfulness of current thoughts 

A) Radical Acceptance: Life isn't always fair, and sometimes things are simply out of your control. Radical Acceptance teaches you to acknowledge reality, even when it's unpleasant, without judgment. This doesn't mean you have to like it, but it helps you move forward with a calmer mind.

B) Turning the Mind: Our brains can get stuck on negative thoughts. Turning the Mind helps you shift your focus by using logic, positive affirmations, or even humor to challenge those unhelpful thoughts.

C) Willingness vs willfulness: This skill is all about accepting your current situation, even if it's uncomfortable. It's not about resignation, but about acknowledging reality and opening yourself to the possibility of change.

D) Half-Smiling: Feeling down? Believe it or not, a simple half-smile can trick your body into a more relaxed state. It's a small action with surprising mood-boosting power!

E) Willing Hands: Sometimes taking action, even a small one, can be empowering. Willing Hands encourages you to do something positive, even if you don't feel like it, to break the cycle of negativity. Start small - clean your desk, help a friend, or write down 3 things you're grateful for.

F) Mindfulness of Current Thoughts: This skill involves observing your thoughts without judgment. Are they realistic? Helpful? By becoming aware of your thought patterns, you can choose to challenge negativity and focus on more positive aspects of the situation.

Mindfulness-Based Skills: Mindfulness-based skills help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety and overwhelm.

  • Grounding Techniques: Use your senses to anchor yourself to the present, like noticing the colors in your room or feeling the texture of your favorite blanket.
  • Observing Breath: Focus on your breathing to center yourself and calm your mind, like counting your breaths while listening to your favorite calming playlist.

Emotional Awareness Skills: These skills help you understand your feelings better so you can manage them more effectively.

  • Recognizing Emotional Crisis: Notice when your emotions are getting out of control, like when you feel super angry at a friend, or just really sad for no apparent reason. 
  • Identifying Triggers: Figure out what usually makes you upset or stressed, like certain social media posts or school pressures.

Longer-term Distress Tolerance Skills:These skills help you build resilience over time, so you're better prepared for future challenges.

  • Building Mastery: Do things that make you feel good at and proud of yourself, like learning a new dance move or mastering a challenging video game level.
  • Coping Ahead: Think about how you'll handle tough situations before they happen, like planning what you'll do if you have a fight with a friend.
  • Actions Based on Values: Make choices that match what's important to you, like standing up for a friend even when it's hard.

Conclusion: Life as a teen can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but now you've got a toolbox of DBT skills to help you ride those waves. Whether you're dealing with friend drama, school stress, or family issues, these skills are your secret weapons for staying cool under pressure.

Remember, it's not about making problems disappear – it's about handling tough situations without letting your emotions take over. Try out different skills and find your favorites. Maybe TIPP helps you chill out, or ACCEPTS distracts you when things get intense.

The more you practice, the stronger you'll get at managing your emotions. So next time you're stressed about a test or your crush isn't texting back, take a deep breath and pick a skill from your toolbox. You've got this!